if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
