I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
