I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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