now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
