No period for spring break; use this wisely.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
