3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
