her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
