i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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