If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
