just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
