Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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