I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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