the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
