i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
