Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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