Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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