Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
