I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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