dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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