I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
