Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
