These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
