i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
