I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My pussy is not your playground.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
