he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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