I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
