so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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