forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
