Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
