we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
