Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
