STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
