so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
