All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
