Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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