Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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