i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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