Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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