I hope mine doesn't look like that
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
