no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
