mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
