just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
