what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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