he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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