just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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