He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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