how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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