i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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