it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
