we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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