So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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