Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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