So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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